Q: A question I wanted to ask was about transitioning high schoolers into the open and minimally filtered Internet they will run into when they leave home after senior year.

For instance, our oldest just turned 17 and only uses a computer on a desk by the kitchen (sounds similar to your setup). But the idea of getting her a laptop of her own is coming. Can you suggest any resources that might help us teach, guide or monitor a teen on the precipice of a brave new world of unfettered access?

A: As my mother always said, “we cross our fingers and hope we did our best.” Once they are out of the house it’s about their exploration but with our values instilled! Giving her more access at this point may not be unreasonable but what type of child do you have? Is she responsible, respectful, open with communication with you and or your wife? Does she see the value of technology but understand the pitfalls and how to avoid them- everything from friending the wrong kind of people, protecting her identity (responsible use when she starts online banking and using a Credit Card online), and becoming addicted or too attached to the devices when balance in life is what is most important.

All of this is really very similar to the things you are already talking about… Getting a checking account, making new friends at school, who she will invite to her dorm, etc. Don’t make it about Technology- make it about responsible use and her behavior both in the physical world and online world!

I recently had a mom ask me how she would know if her child is at risk for things like cyber-bullying and predators online.  I put together a quick quiz you can take to determine whether or not your child may be at risk.  Please understand that there is no scale of risk, every situation is different.  Even if you answer yes to one question, it’s time to sit down and have a serious talk about the who, what and where of your child’s interactions online. For more information on how to get the conversation started, visit My Father’s Famous Four.

Is my child at risk online?

1. Is your child spending large amounts of time online, especially at night?
2. Is your child secretive about what he or she is doing online?
3. Is your child friending strangers online (including friends of friends your child has not met in person)?
4. Is your child seeking attention by posting provocative material online?
5. Is your child seeking attention by posting problems at home or with peers online?
6. Has your child become withdrawn from the family?
7. Have you found pornographic or other alarming material on your son or daughter’s computer?

P.S. Readers, you may also want to think about the benefits of where the technology sleeps; is your son/daughter using their cell phone as an alarm clock?  It may be time to get them an old fashion clock that beeps in the morning.  Is the laptop in bed with them as they fall asleep?  Maybe it should get charged in the kitchen.  There is no reason to continue to promote the idea that our children should be “Constantly Connected.”  Making a few simple changes could significantly reduce their chance of being at risk. Kids who spend more time online have more opportunity to be exposed to inappropriate content, be part of a cyber-bullying incident, be approached by a predator or become addicted to the Internet.

Is there a way to retrieve deleted texted messages on my teens phone?

Yes,  there is a new device called the SIM Card Spy.  You take the SIM card out of the phone and insert it into a device that plugs directly into the USB port of a computer.  It will bring up a menu of the contacts and text messages on the phone, included deleted texts.  I keep telling you all, nothing ever leaves the net!  For more information or to purchase the device, go to http://www.proofpronto.com/

Net lingo is Internet slang.  It’s a use of acronyms, symbols and new words to describe everyday actions as well as specific Internet actions.  Net lingo is like short hand and is widely used in text messaging via cell phone, Instant messaging (or same-time messaging), chat rooms and is spreading to the spoken word. When I SAY “LOL” instead of just laughing at my friend’s joke- I’m speaking net lingo.

Yesterday I sent a message to my husband that read, “BTW- 143. C u @ *$.”  Translation: “By the way, I love you.  See you at Starbucks.”

My husband responded with “?” Translation: What did you just say?”  He’s such a Digital Immigrant

Recently there have been rumors that Google is indexing private Facebook pages.  Meaning that our “private” messages, pictures and wall posts will show up on Google when you type your name into the search engine.  These rumors are very misleading!  Google has been able to index Facebook pages since 2007.  But Google can only report what you allow them to find.  In the privacy settings of Facebook you can make yourself completely unsearchable.  However, the default allows Google to only display the public portion of your profile (usually your name and your profile picture).   As far as pictures showing up in Google Images, again, it’s up to you.  When you tag photos in FB you need to make sure that you have turned off the last option in the Search section of the Privacy settings, “create a public search listing for me and submit it for search engine indexing.” If this box is checked your photos will show up in Google Images.

The simple answer is yes. But colleges are really focusing on incoming students that are applying for scholarships or other awards. They want to make sure that there won’t be anything to embarrass the school later.
Take a look at Colleges and Employers are looking for more information.

Well that depends, do you spy on them in other places too? You know your children better than I do, so in this case I have to tell you to impose the same parenting online that you would in the physical world. If you would not pick up the receiver to listen to their phone conversations, don’t read their e-mail or IM secretly. If you would listen, then by all means…
But if you decide not to spy that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask questions or even be a little nosy. You want to know what your kids are up to and who are they talking to. This is just good old-fashion parenting.

No problem. If you are running the latest version of the Operating System (called Vista) you can easily set up parental controls to view web pages visited (even if she clears her history), set time limits, block websites (or groups of sites based on category), and even record IM conversation.
First set up two accounts on the computer, an admin account and a managed account. To do that you need to go to the Account button on the control panel. Make sure you are the administrator and your daughter is the managed account. Now you can click on the parental control button and set the controls you want to use.
You can watch the Parental Control video in the Video Library for more information. Just remember that your daughter has access to other computers at school or a friend’s house, so setting these parental controls without a conversation about why is only half the story. You are doing this to set up expectations and NOT to keep her safe. Your eyes and ears are always the best parental controls you have!

Yes. You need to be 13 or in high school. But just because Facebook says they should be at least 13, you need to decide as the parent if they are ready for the technology. First, do you know how Facebook works? If not, spend some time getting to understand what your child will be using it for. Check out the privacy settings, make sure you know the difference between the wall and private messages and read the Dos and Don’t of Facebook. Then talk to your child about everything you learned. Ask them who they will be friending, how much time they will spend using the site, what kinds of things will they be putting on the site about themselves, etc. If you feel they understand their responsibility, only then are ready for the technology.

Although taking away her cell phone is making her miserable I don’t think it was the wrong choice. She can promise you that she will not contribute to the tormenting but if she even receives a message from others that are cyber-bullying she automatically gets involved. It may be time to get to the root of the problem. Why are the girls behaving this way and what are the other parents thoughts on this. You want to make sure you do not go on the offensive or begin accusing other parents of allowing this to happen. They probably have NO IDEA this is going on and it may be helpful to inform them. I have seen groups of parents work together to deal with this type of behavior but it works best when parents do not feel they are being attacked. It has to come from a place of being informative and not blame.

With your daughter you really need to explain why you don’t want her involved. As a bystander she could be found culpable depending on the severity of the bullying and the school’s policy. California law gives schools the right to discipline students for cyber-bullying when it creates a hostile environment at the school for the student being bullied. I have seen some schools make examples of everyone involved. If you can work things out with the other parents and talk to your daughter about your expectations when it comes to how she treats others both face to face and online, I think you will be able to find a compromise with the phone.